stress and sickness

Nic is having a really rough pregnancy. He's weathered through a severe bladder infection, recovered from a septioplasty and a tonsillectomy, and now is green in the face from food poisoning. Good thing I've been feeling relatively ok lately...other than the insomnia and the sheer feeling of being overwhelmed by planning for all the physical and financial stress I'm going through. And the logistics. Don't forget about the logistics. Logistics of what, you ask? Of everything.

One thing that is coming together well due to my planning and obsession is house renovations. Bruce started on my second floor attic space/bedroom renovations. He's affordable, dependable, super nice, and reminds me of Pat McCurdy in some way that I can't put my finger on. He was just there for a few hours yesterday and the space is already starting to take shape. When it is full of furniture, it won't be a very big space. But it will be bigger than what we have now. And we'll have a closet. And a bathroom. With a little make up table for me. This project will be one huge stress off my head. There is a whole mini project within that one that involves getting a new bed and mattress and perhaps new bedroom furniture for us. Next is the planning and the financing of the baby's room, but that won't be too bad. I have to figure out what's happening to the floors in the baby's room, but the rest should be cheap and easy. Next step after that: refinance house. All of this while working 40 hours a week, trying to keep up with basic chores and house maintenance, keeping up with even minimal derby time commitments, finding time to exercise. Sigh. So those are the logistics and financial thoughts that keep me up at night.

Bah. This blogging is supposed to be kind of therapeutic for me, and now I feel worse than when I started. I need to close with something that makes me happy:

I'm excited about choosing paint colors for our new bedroom. I love doing that. Also, I really enjoy buying new fun bathroom items (rugs, toothbrush holder, soap dish). And I get excited about choosing light fixtures. I've never had to or gotten to choose light fixtures before. So that's pretty fun.

Okay. Feeling a little better.

I'm so bad at remembering to do this

So I set up this site so I could document my experiences and feelings and I just don't remember to get on here. I'll try and make a better effort, but that's what I say every year when I log in to my useless Livejournal account. Bah.

Anyway, to recap from the last posting...all of the family and friends know now. I'm a little less freaked out. My eating and sleeping habits got real weird after that last posting but have evened out. And I think now that I'm entering my second trimester, I'm finally over every single person telling me "Oh, you should start taking folic acid." I think I heard that from 15 different people, who all had their hearts in the right place. However, you can only hear something so much before you want to say very sarcastically "Gee! Thank you! I wish I had known that! Boy, my doctor sure doesn't know squat! She didn't tell me that at all!"

My birthday has come and passed, and I received minimal baby items. I was worried that my birthday would be the first step in people forgetting about me as an individual with wants, needs, and likes. And for baby items, I got some pretty useful stuff. Leslie got me a Classic Pooh baby blanket. Which is perfect as that is the theme chosen for the baby's room. Mom got me some maternity clothes. Two awesome tank tops, and this outfit that included a pair of, um, uh.....panel pants. UGH! I didn't even want to type it. That got me a little upset. Certainly not because of the thoughtful and practical gift...but when you're eye to eye with a pair of black and white checkered panel pants when you're still trying to ease your way into accepting and getting excited about said pregnancy...it just gets to be too much. The pants are a nice lightweight material. They'll be great for when I am big and it's summer and need work clothes. But it's winter. And I'm still the same size as I was. So they make me panic. There. It's out there now. Panel pants make me panic.

And then there's the weight thing. It is very endearing that all of my friends are so far excited for me to be showing. However, talk about making an already body-image sensitive girl uncomfortable. Now, all of a sudden, my weight and my body are a normal part of public discourse. "Are you gaining weight?" "Are your breasts sore?" "Do you have gas?" I mean, really now. Please tell me in what other social situation are these questions appropriate? And just because I'm now pregnant does not mean that I'm suddenly excited to explain to anyone in great detail how and where my body stores extra weight during the winter.

It is awfully theraputic to have somewhere to vent all of this. And truth be told, I'm not full of small annoyances like it sounds like. I'm really not as angry as I sound.

Nic has been fantastic. Buying me small cute gifts when I have bad days. Like the 3 boxes of mac and cheese he bought and wrapped up like a present, and the card with the dog in a sweater on the front. Priceless. All of that helps. A lot. And most of all, putting up with toxic mood swings. Anyone who can put up with me when I'm that crabby deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.

I could go on forever. But I'll shut up now so I can have fodder for future posts.