I wish I could remember to post here more!

I know for awhile I had regular readers and I imagine I've lost most of them since I stopped updating this blog regularly. Hopefully I can get back in the groove!

Lola is 3 months old now. I have to go by months and not weeks since she's actually like 14 or 15 weeks old, but just hit the three month mark on Monday. She still sleeps like a champ. She smiles constantly and makes happy-baby squeaky noises. She rolled over by herself on Sunday, though she hasn't been able to do it since. (Nic says that maybe she was just following the momentum of gravity since it happened on the couch when I was sitting next to her. Bah, I say. She rolled over on her own!) She's grabbing at things on purpose, though not always very well and she can't always hold on to them. She burps and farts like a frat boy during homecoming.

Life in the Onorato-Moen household is hectic these days, but still as fun as ever. My living situation sounds like the beginning of a joke (3 adults, one baby, 4 cats and a dog walk into a bar...). We got a new couch last week, a big sectional with a huge ottoman. It's a couch you have to climb into and out of. It's going to make winter time lounging even more comfey.

I'll try and post here a few more times before the holidays....fingers crossed I'll remember!

And She's Here

Okay. Anyone who reads this blog already knows that the baby has come. And she is rad. You have either met her or seen pictures of her. You also have a forgiving nature for my lack of posting because you know I'm a new mommy. That said, I'm finally finding time to update this page about our adventures.

She's 10 weeks old today, but just had her 2 month birthday on Saturday. How's that for math? She had her 2 month check up this afternoon and she is right average for weight and height but super alert and active and is fixin' to start rolling over soon. Her eyes are huge and she smiles, well, most of the time. And she's started talking. Or cooing, rather. She's does "ah-oooooh" and "cooooo" pretty well. Should I be excited that her babble is already polysyllabic?

I'll go back and fill in the blanks as best I can in this blog. But to sum everything up so far I will say that being a mommy to such a cute baby is a great ego trip. Not only does a cute baby only make his or her parents more attractive, but everyone wants to be the one to make the cute baby smile. When you get to be one of two people that can always make that happen, you feel pretty big.

Okay. Gotta run. She's up from a nap and fussy. First run of immunizations so she's not feeling too hot.

If you know what's good for you, you just won't ask

Reasons to get excited:
-Started losing weight (for those of you who don't know, that is common just before you go into labor. There's less amniotic fluid in there and everything is shrinking up to get the baby out. It's the equivalent of the party host starting to clean up the party and turn the lights on. Means it's time to think about getting going)
-Have been told by both the chiropractor as well as midwifery nurse that they could tell the baby was "very low"
-Lots of dull achey contractions

Reasons I am getting increasingly crabby:
-Lots of dull achey contractions
-Generally BORED
-I hate going to bed/am happy when the alarm goes off in the morning because I HATE laying in bed
-Knew I'd be setting myself up for disappointment by starting checking progress 2 weeks ago. Have made no progress in the last week.
-Everyone--even people who aren't pregnant yet--will have their babies before me.

So the long and short of it is that everyone is unallowed to ask me: If I'm ready, When I'm going to pop, If it's hot enough for me, If I'm excited, If I'm nervous, If I'm counting down, and especially...When is it going to happen. If you speak with me about labor, pregnacy, and motherhood in general I will most likely scowl at you, quickly change the topic, or just mumble and look down at my shoes. You've been warned.

My midwife last week told me I need to take up a project. I got some fluffy books to read the other day (hey hey Candace Bushnell novels!), but I think I need something a little more involved than that. At the last art vs craft fair I bought a few of the Sublime Stitching patterns (http://www.sublimestitching.com) and haven't used them yet. I'm getting out of work a little early today and will hit up Michaels crafts for some embroidery thread and an embroidery hoop. I'm going to hole myself in my bedroom with air conditioning and cable tv for the rest of the afternoon and make roller derby-themed tea towels and onesies. I kind of want to learn some more involved crochet stitches or learn how to knit, but both of those require someone physically showing me. Cousin Becky: If you're reading this within a day or two of me posting this entry, I highly reccomend you stop everything that you're doing, drive down to Milwaukee within the next few days and teach me how to knit.

trapped in the elevator!

i've been taking the elevator at work a lot in the last few weeks. we only have 2 stories in our building, but it's just been easier for me to do the lift instead of hiking up and down. well, today, on my way back from lunch, the lights in the elevator flickered just as i had reached the 2nd floor and i heard a noise that sounded like all the power just went out. you know...like...BWWWWWOOOOOooooooo.... (I believe that would be the phonetic representation of the power shutting off.) After a few seconds in the dark, the overhead lights came on, but the buttons for the floors weren't lit up. Dispatch for the Housing Authority and Public Safety is located in the building, so when pressed the call button for help I knew they'd be right there. Which they were. And the irony and seriousness of the only person to ever get stuck in that elevator to be pregnant old me didn't escape our public safety team. They had a special key that they used to open the doors and pryed them open manually. The car was right at the floor, so all I had to do was step out when the doors were open. This whole process took 5-10 minutes. Nothing too big. But did I also mention I'm claustrophobic? Because I am. So it was all I could do to not have a panic attack, to keep my breathing steady, and to not visualize the elevator car plummeting down the shaft. But I did it. I kept my cool. And I started sweating like a whore in church when I got out. I think the adrenaline has finally evened out and I have a good story to tell.

I'm really glad I read that blurb in one of my pregnancy books on how to deliver your own baby! No one's ever gonna make fun of me for needing to feel prepared ever again!

one more thing

I know I've made mention of this blog before, but I oh so love the woman who writes Baby on Bored. Please read her post, "Lest you find my blog a total downer" posted August 16th. And come closer to understanding me. I just read this and decided that she has wrapped up my feelings of being pregnant and pregnant ladies in a much more witty and concise way than I ever could. Enjoy, kitties....



(Okay, for some reason, the link isn't working or showing up properly. Go to www.babyonbored.blogspot.com and be amazed. Or annoyed. I don't care which!)

1 cm

Not bad. I actually wasn't expecting any progress with dialation at all. I still think that I will have her before September 6th, but I know I'll get through this week no problem and be able to go to my last baby shower and class reunion on Saturday. It even looks like I may make it through most of my last week of work next week. I predict things are going to get dicey for me by the end of the week next week. I'm making steady, but not super fast progress.

My midwife suggested I take up a project these last weeks. Otherwise, I'll go crazy apparently. She, like most people, seemed surprised that we are all ready. Baby's room is done, etc. I think I'm over any sort of magic or touchy-feely discussion of baby feelings. Not only to I inwardly shudder with annoyance when people ask me with a gleam in their eye, "OH BOY! AREN'T YOU GETTING EXCITED?!?!?!?!", but I'm still not feeling that glowy earth mother feeling that apparently everyone is excited for me to feel. I just want to not be pregnant anymore. And I miss my old clothes. That's really about as magic as I'm getting.

I also just learned that we are having a one day complete power outage at work next Tuesday while they do something with a transformer or something. No computers, no phones. So it sounds like I just may be having a short week next week!

And I think my clothes smell like cat pee today, but I can't figure out which article of clothing is the offender.

Physical Updates:
-38 weeks on Thursday
-Been using evening primrose oil and pressure points all week
-Hips and lower back VERY achey and sore
-Lots of dull pain in my abdomen
-Lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions
-Baby has somehow dropped even lower. I find it hard to sit on a chair with one leg crossed over the other because the baby is right there. Also, sitting cross-legged on the floor in general seems to be difficult.

Next doctor's appointment is tomorrow. I'm hoping to hear the magic "D" word, but will settle for mostly effaced. Anything less will likely leave me in tears until about Thursday or so.

In other news, I've had two coworkers see me in my car and exclaim with surprise, "You have a carseat!" To which I've replied, "Yes. I am having a baby. State law maintains that I need one." I also have been generally avoiding any possibilities of small talk with coworkers....as I hate small talk anyway and I especially hate small talk related to me having a baby. The most dreaded and banal, yet frequent, ones I hear multiple times throughout the day are,
-So, you starting to count down?
-So, you starting to get excited?
-So, you starting to get nervous?
(And the mother of all terrible and annoying things to say....)
-I hope you're catching up on your sleep now! Did you know that you're not going to get much of it once the BABY comes?!?!

arg.

The next few weeks have just gotten somehow more intense. Someone very close to Nic passed away this weekend. He was the father of two of Nic's closest friends, and was also one of the closest individuals to a father to Nic. As much as I want this baby to come out this week, I am hoping that her timing lets Nic spend time with everyone he needs to spend time with this week and that it doesn't interfere with the memorial services. It's almost unreal to experience so many life-changing events one on top of the other. Needless to say, we have been and will continue to take everything not only day by day, but hour by hour.

I've also finally.....turned in my thesis edits. I'm not entirely proud of the finished product. It might be because I'm still tired of thinking about the paper. And there is a very real chance that the head of the thesis committee might make reject my edits and make me re-re-submit my paper after more work. Admittedly, I probably didn't do a very dynamic edit. I know there are still things that needed to be addressed in the paper, but chose to turn it in anyway. I don't like feeling like I took the easy way out, but I need to get the paper in and done. I am indeed hoping to go back to grad school in a few years, but for a program that does NOT have a thesis requirement. Also, I probably never do a PhD after this experience. Things like useless trivia has riddled my brain and has made it impossible for me to ever write a dissertation. Anyway, hope you had a nice weekend, gentle reader(s). Here's hoping for dilation!

this has nothing to do with my uterus

i never said i was perfect. i will be the first to point out my deficiencies. maybe it's my midwestern humility. maybe i delight in the irony of my taste. no matter what the preferred explanation, i am going to tell you something now. and you will still respect me for it.

that said, i have become immediately obsessed with mtv's 'the hills.' somehow, it's a more guilty pleasure than 'my super sweet 16.' but i can't explain why. i've always prided myself on being able to withstand the addictions of certain swells of pop culture, while being a complete sucker for others. for example, there is some song in heavy rotation on the top 40/hip hop/pop station that a few people in the last week have asked me if i have heard yet. something about lip gloss. while i tell them that i haven't, i think smugly to myself that i only listen to npr, wmse, and radio milwaukee...nonprofit radio only of late. then i turn around and obsess over televisionwithoutpity.com's discussion boards of 'the hills.' i will judge you for your bad taste one minute, then ask you for forgiveness for my own faults. so it goes, i guess.

while we're on the topic, i've also become a tori spelling fan. in general. couldn't care less about her until she had a show on one of the lady channels. she and her husband bought and renovated a bed and breakfast in northern california while she was in her third trimester. the first season of this show was running when nic was in high gear working on our upstairs bedroom. have i mentioned all this in a previous post? let's just pretend i haven't. tori was pregnant. i am pregnant. tori and dean were trying to do renovations before the baby was born, WE were trying to finish our renovations before the baby is born. tori likes pugs. i like pugs. the gays love tori. the gays love me. i got hooked. season 2 starts soon.

nic and i went out for dinner the other night and ran into a couple that was in our bradley method class with their new baby. they recently bought a house not too far from us. it was good to see them, especially because it's proof that if she could one day not be pregnant anymore and be able to enjoy all you can eat tacos and beer, then i will be able to do all those things too!

i'm proud of how relaxed i am right now. i might not seem relaxed, but if you know me even a little bit you would probably use the words "high strung, " "neurotic," "senseless worrier," etc. to describe me. anyway, i've been pretty even-keeled as my due date gets closer. a big part of that is getting big stuff done around the house and minimizing and temporarily phasing out all my other responsibilities. it's nice to know that i could go into labor tomorrow and not feel like i'm leaving tons of loose ends.

speaking of going into labor tomorrow, wouldn't that be great? i think so. i'm thinking that i'll go during the last week in august sometime. i don't think i'll make it to september 6th. i'd like to go into labor next week since it seems like it would be a good time to go....but i have a feeling i'll hold on until the last week of the month.

been feeling ok. considering. i ended up staying home half the day on tuesday. i was so weak and tired...and it was pretty humid that day. this week the weather has been really comfortable, but i know it's going to get hot again next week.

we started with the evening primrose oil and i made a big pitcher of iced red raspberry leaf tea last night. i wanted to take the dog out on a walk last night, but i've reached the point where i can't bend over, so picking up dog poop is out of the question.

i really don't have too much more news for you. probably won't until next tuesday's midwife appointment!

we may be good looking, but we can't count

so, nic and i were a little off in figuring out how many weeks along we were. no matter what, the sept. 6th due date stays static, but for some reason we grossly misjudge if that means we're 33 or 38 or whatever weeks. about a month ago we were shocked to find out we were at 33 weeks....now we were convinced we were starting our 38th week when this thursday will mark our 37th. none of this really matters anyway. we found out today that i've started to efface a little bit and we got some great pictures of nic finding the heart tones in the doctor's office. evening primrose oil starts tonight and i think i've officially begun the maddening habit of desperately searching for new signs that labor is coming. things slowing down at work hasn't helped because now i have time throughout the day to think too much about each braxton-hicks contraction. i think i'm going to be thinking about this more obsessively at work since i've tempered down many of my responsibilities here and if i were home, i'd have cleaning and organizing to obsess over!

the baby has dropped. i have an appetite again and i don't feel like i'm breathing through a straw for most of the day. though, even just looking at a glass of water sends me to the bathroom about 16 times a day. most of the time for unproductive trips, might i add.

i got a big whif of nesting instict yesterday. before sunday brunch, i just wanted to clean and organize the kitchen and dining room in the worst way. and i was the one who needed to do it. however, when i got that surge we were on the way out the door to walk to hi fi for brunch. a walk there and back in the hot sun and a big breakfast burrito totally took the wind out of my sails. we spent the rest of the afternoon laying in the air conditioning watching the brewers game. the kitchen did get cleaned once we got home from sunday dinner and as long as it's not too hot after work tonight, i forsee having the energy to get even more done.

so, gentle reader(s), dare you venture a guess as to when she'll be born? i already have one person at work who has guessed not only a day, but she is guessing the weight/size as well. i have nothing to offer the winner of anyone who guesses correctly other than a high five. but i fully endorse gambling when it comes to guessing my delivery date.

yep. it's official. i'm officially ready to be done. so, uh, any day now. come on, baby! any day now....you ready? because i'm ready. so, uh, just come on out! you seem to be in the right position. we have crib sheets for you now. so, just slide right on out! that's right! you don't even have to take your time. just, uh, make your appearance. work stuff is wrapped up enough and we have enough done at home. plus, you have lots of clothes to wear. i would think that a newly remodeled bedroom and a new wardrobe would be enough to get you to want to come out. plus, we even have a dog to bark at you and cats to pee on your stuff. it's not as bad as it sounds. you can totally pee on the cats if you want to. see, a new bedroom....new clothes...and permission to pee on stuff. what else is there? nothing.

A rough night of sleep and a hot and humid day and I'm wiped out.

Plus, I've been getting dizzy spells midday. I think it's because when I am done metabolizing breakfast, I am DONE and need food immediately. Gotta keep snacks in my purse, otherwise I risk passing out.

My ankles are swollen now, one moreso than the other. The baby moves constantly throughout the day and all I ever want to do is just rest.

ONE MONTH TO GO

Today is August 6th. My due date is September 6th. My goal is to post here at least once/day until she's born since I've been so terrible in keeping up with this blog throughout the pregnancy!

I saw a chiropractor for the first time on Saturday. I was always a little hesitant about the whole chiropractic thing. But now that my back and hips are getting all out of whack, I figure it's worth a shot. Plus, she specializes in prenatal care and she went to my high school. So far, I'm pleased!

We now have a 98% completed bamboo floor in the baby's room. Nic totally rocked the flooring. He had such great practice doing our bedroom that it was no problem for him to whip through the baby's room. Cheri and TJ dropped off the crib yesterday and Mo and Nona helped Nic set up the crib while they were there. (Note to all mentioned parties: Thank you so much! The crib is great! And Mo, we promise we'll stop putting you to work at our house.) We washed all the clothes and blankets we've received as presents yesterday in Target brand baby detergent. The room just smells like baby too. And so do I. I've started using one of the bottles of Johnson's Baby Lotion we received as a present. I read somewhere that this is one of the ways to get your pets adjusted to the baby--through the smell. I've also seen a special CD on the internet of a baby crying to play for your pets. Seeings that that sounds pretty annoying, I'm just using the smells-method. So now we have a nursery and a place to put baby stuff.

That's all I got for today. It's going to be a week of high humidity and muggy heat. Expect a litany of crabby posts.

0 to crabby in 60 seconds

I'm in a terrible mood today. I must have been soundly sleeping for the better half of the night on my right side, because an excruciating pain woke me up around 5:30 in my right hip. I still haven't mastered the side-lay position where one knee is jutted out a bit further from the other to staggar the hips. Most of my side sleeping is done straight on my side. A combination of a full sized bed and 54 pillows of every shape and size to conform under and around my sore body makes it difficult to take up a such sleeping position. But I digress. I woke up with this pain...no, with a PAIN in my hip.

And my left shoulder was hurting from the little bit of sleeping that got done on the left side. And my stomach is too heavy for back sleeping.
And the graphing calculator and engineering degree needed to arrange said pillows for the possiblity of stomach sleeping was out of my reach at 5:30 this morning.

So after a frustrated hissy fit, some absolute moaning, realization that I couldn't even sit up in bed because that put pressure on my hip, and a failed attempt to sit up with Nic and lay/lean against him, I just got up. I showered and came into work an hour early. I'll probably duck out a bit early. And I've scheduled a massage for myself tonight and I'm meeting with a chiropractor tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll sleep well this weekend.

Oh, and all of this along with too much caffeine this morning has left me very crabby today. I'm glad it's a quiet day.

so busy!

The countdown is on. Today is August 2nd. I'm due September 6th...if I can hold out that long. If the restless nights get worse and worse by the end of the month, I'm gonna slam a glass of midwife recommended castor oil screwdriver. That's right. Castor oil, vodka, and OJ. Likely I'll wait until I'm done with scheduled work shifts before trying that method, though.

So the pressure is on to get a lot done in the next month. I say "a lot" instead of everything....because I know EVERYTHING I want to get done just won't. However, we're making good progress. We've set the ball in motion to refinance the house. Our renovations added a ton of equity on the house. That, along with some other small financial decisions and adjustments will hopefully make our money-related dealings slightly easier. The floor should be laid in the baby's room after this weekend and I'm guessing we'll be doing the bulk of the set-up work in the room next week. I don't think any of this will feel real until there is a crib and a dresser with onesies in it, rather than a sunroom filled with gift bags and boxes.

Speaking of our sunroom, we're gonna be able to get rid of a lot of crap in our sunroom as well! If you are in the market for a full sized mattress and two full sized box springs that are all ripped apart by cat claws, and have likely all been peed on by one or more of four cats....then stop by our house before the garbage comes next Tusday morning. They're yours for free! Did I mention the mattress is so lumpy and old that you will likely have back pain? Come and get it! Also in the mix is the papazan chair I told my friend I'd take off her hands, but I realized it's just another thing for the cats to pee on/shed on in the sunroom. Getting. Rid. Hopefully, we'll be making one or two HUGE trips to Goodwill to get rid of boxes and boxes of my clothes and shoes that have remained packed since last move. I feel lighter just thinking of it all!

I'm hoping to assemble all the items in my overnight bag for the hospital over the next week or so. Clothes, comfort items, a few vials of assorted essential oils for various things, print ups of the birth plan, etc. And I'm off to pick up an infant car seat/stroller combo from my friend Maren soon. Other than doing our best to keep up with chores, those are all the major things I wanted to get done before the baby comes. I've already started lightening my responsibilities at work....so I'm actually feeling somewhat ready.

As for physical updates...nothing too major to report. Belly button is still an innie. Baby hasn't dropped yet (though my appetite is starting to increase....I'm still getting the reflux and the shortness of breath). Have felt a Braxton Hicks contraction here and there over the last few months, but I'm certainly not feeling/noticing any now. The Snoogle body pillow, otherwise known as the best idea EVER, has been a godsend to sleep with. However I did have a rough night with it last night. I'm finding that if I don't get a brief walk in at some point, it's harder and more uncomfortable to fall asleep at night.

Hmmmmm....think that's it for the day. I could go on, as you well know. But I think I'll stop there. And daydream about the frozen chocolate dipped bananas in my freezer at home....sigh...

acid reflux

No epic posts detailing my emotional turmoil. I just want everyone to know I have acid reflux. And I have it bad. Even if I don't eat much, I'm burping up mouthfulls of stomach acid after every little thing I eat. Otherwise, today has been good. The shower my mom has put together is this coming weekend. It will be great to see everyone. Updates to follow.

I fought the mattress and the mattress won

Sleeping. I heard it would be difficult. I heard I'd get up and pee in the middle of the night. But I had rounded the corner of 7, then 7.5 months....and it still wasn't bad. But all of a sudden, in the last week or so, I have a nightly fight with the bed.

It starts innocently enough. Maybe I fall asleep propped up on our comforter and a squishy pillow or two while I watch the Daily Show. That becomes unsuitable after a while, so I go to my favored side, the right. Snuggled up to the body pillow, shoulder purposefully wedged between head support layer #1 (folded up comforter) and head support layer #2 (pillow). Doing this I've found keeps pressure off my shoulder while cushioning it. But laying on the right side makes me sore after an hour or so. I then have to move the whole operation to the left side--the dreaded side. The side that's been making me sore for months for no good reason. Here's how that move goes:

Step One: Grasp body pillow. Fling to left side. If Nic is sleeping too close, wedge body pillow in between myself and him.
Step Two: Fling back over to right side. Grab squishy pillows.
Step Three: Sit up halfway. Fluff up squishy pillows near my head. Determine if I'll need one or two.
Step Four: Snuggle in and down by making sure shoulder is under pillow but over folded up comforter.
Step Five: Try to visualize body allignment. Try to stagger hips and shoulders so I am not laying directly on my side. This involves laying slightly on my back or laying slightly on my stomach. The latter less possible if I am unable to throw my arms out in front of me without punching my husband in the face.

All of this while not moving too quickly to get my heart going as I do want to get to sleep in my new position. This dance happens once an hour/hour and a half. From left to right. Then right to left. Until about 2 or 3am. At this point, the movement where I roll over on my back from one side to the other also rolls my heavy uterus and baby combo over my now full bladder. I think if I could just stay on the one side all night I wouldn't have the peeing problems right now. But alas, when I switch positions in the night, my bladder is roughed up like a drunk in a barfight.

I sit up and climb over Nic, often contorting myself in various unnatural poses while praying Ollie isn't sleeping on the floor right next to the bed when I blindly plop my foot down. I waddle to the bathroom and waddle back and snuggle in again going through the stages outlined above.

And then the alarm goes off.....

It takes me awhile to wake up these days because it takes me awhile to physically sit up after laying down for 8-10 hours. This morning was especially difficult. After I finally got myself into a sitting position, I was blocked in. Nic sound asleep on the outside of the bed (our bed being against a wall and I've been sleeping on the wall side), and Ollie sleeping at his feet, facing out. At the foot of our bed is an Ikea bed table on casters that can roll up to us while we are sitting up in bed or can stay at the foot of our bed. But it can't roll far enough out for me to get out of bed on the foot end. I figured my best plan of attack was to get Ollie to move. So I said, "Ollie, move!" She turned around. Looked at me. Turned back around. Put her head on Nic's feet. Ignored me. This happened....about 15 more times. So I woke up Nic to get him to move and to get him to move his dog. I scooted out of bed on my butt, much like a little kid goes down stairs on their rear...or even like the way a dog in heat gets from one side of the room to another. I then waddled to the bathroom....and began my day.

I think I have so much trouble remembering to update this blog for a number of reasons.

1. Content. I used to use journaling for release, which I fear tranlates to me being Miss Complainypants in the blog world. I'm trying to remember to write up hilarious stories and in-depth observations...but truth be told, when those things happen I don't picture how I'm going to describe them on my blog.
2. Other mommy (and daddy) bloggers: I've found some great sites out there. Two of my favorites are http://babyonbored.blogspot.com and www.nealpollack.com. I wonder, will I be as hilarious a parent as these two? God, I hope so.
3. Nic keeps up with his blog: www.nicoloonorato.com. Really, does our household need two rabid bloggers?
and the fourth and final reason is
4. I hate doing things that I feel like I HAVE to do.

But once I get started, I realize I have a lot to say. Like today. Settle in, we have a lot to go over!

Updates:
It's been a busy couple of weeks on Austin Street. First of all, Nic finished up his term of service with Public Allies. Seeings that I never made it to graduation in my AmeriCorps program, I was extra proud of him. He's working part-time at the news station and is able to start working on the baby's room this week. I'm starting to have visions of delivering early, I'm eager to get that project started and done. A few coats of paint, a much easier time laying down a bamboo floor, and we can set up furniture. A couple in our childbirth class is about to deliver anyday now, and they just moved into a new house last week. So I officially have no reason to freak out about the fact that work on the baby's room hasn't even begun.

I had a glorious 5 days away from work when my friends from Minneapolis came down for another shower. This one was just very close friends and family in the backyard+too much food+a keg of beer. It was a great time. I got to have a few lazy days of shopping, eating, movie watching, and beach going. I enjoyed every minute of my time off, as they were my last days away from work/days off without taking care of a baby. With this shower business, I'm learning quick that people with babies or who are around babies get you the practical things off your registry and those who could barely pick a baby out of a lineup get you the unnecessary but cute items. Both are needed, and I'm getting to the point where I can predict what kind of gift I will get from any given person. I can size you up in 30 seconds and determine if you're more the crib sheets-type or the irreverant onesies-type.

Good god it's hot. This time of year is usually my favorite! The hotter and more humid the better. Not so much this year. Not only is it hard to be so warm, but the shortness of breath comes much quicker in the humid weather. Yesterday it was about 96 degrees. Thankfully, we have an air conditioning unit for the bedroom. But even with that, I woke up from a nap sweating. The few times I was out of the air, I wanted to cry. But I didn't lose the funny! Nic and I left the house in the morning to get brunch--as Sunday brunch is my favorite thing to do in the weekend and even weather that made me wheeze would not keep me away. We step outside the house and it's heavy and hot at 10:30. I say, "Ohhhhhhh....it's so hooooooooot already!" Nic says, "You know, it's not actually that bad yet." I pause. I say, "Really, so how pregnant are you again?" He smiles. He gets it. That made me laugh for the rest of the day--which by the way was spent in air conditioning.

Soapbox time
I am sooooooo tired of my weight (too much? not enough?) being something you, general public, have the right to make judgements on. Before I was pregnant, you would not have thought about admonishing me for not eating enough, or pointing out that I was eating too much....but when you become pregnant, you obviously loose the right for you to decide how public your body becomes. I know this was the topic of an earlier post....maybe one of my first posts. I was bothered that people I was not very close to (co-workers, acquaintences, etc) felt it was appropriate to ask me if my boobs were sore or if I had bad gas. I would not have been asked these things had I not been pregnant. The latest addition is everyone's opinion about my weight. Hold on, not everyone. Because my doctor thinks everything is just fine. Therefore, I think everything is just fine.

So a bit of background....I don't think any female no matter how enlightened, is immune from body image issues. You can minimize them. You can use reason. You can shun images from popular culture and embrace more realistic representations of what women look like. But that don't mean you can ever get away from worrying about how imperfect your body is. Never mind I'm probably one of the healthiest people I know--blood pressure, low incidence of heritable disease in the family, amazing muscle tone, has always done well in yoga and weightlifting classes (strong and flexible), not to mention moderately decent looking. But man, issues of weight are so delicate. This was something I was particularly worried about at the onset of pregnancy. Namely, could my self-esteem rationalize a significant weight gain even if it were due to pregnancy? It has come to pass that I have actually put on very little weight, comparitively. Which is a surprise. Maybe it's because I started out in pretty good shape. Maybe it's because you put on less weight when you start out with more on your frame. Maybe it's because pregnancy has not changed my eating habits too radically, and the idea of gorging on a whole pint of ice cream and an order of french fries and other junk in one sitting makes me ill. Regardless, I have a protruding belly and that's about it. I've had a number of people tell me in the last few weeks how my face looks thinner, and I'm wearing more of my "regular" clothes than I thought I would. I'm told often that I don't look like I'm 7 and a half months pregnant. These things bring up a lot of internal conflict. Never being someone who got skinny comments thrown at her, part of me relishes the fact that I'm defying the odds. But man, then I get really upset and start to worry that I should be eating a lot more and what if the baby isn't perfect because my appetite dictates that I can only have a bowl of cereal or a small salad before I'm full for the next 5 hours. What am I doing wrong?

This is a good time for me to interject that I am not dieting. My appetite has been very normal througout and has gotten smaller of late--partly because my stomach is getting all squished internally and it takes less for my brain to get the signal that I'm full and partly because it's hotter than balls outside and who wants to eat heavy in this weather? I've been very mindful to get the upwards of 75 grams of protein and other dietary considerations I've learned about in my Bradley Method classes. I choose leafy greens when possible. I eat handfulls of fresh fruit everyday....and lots of ice cream! I actually haven't had a diet coke (more of a caffeine crutch than anything) in I don't know how long. I don't feel like I should have to spell this out or defend myself, but I'm starting to get really insensitive comments. A family member...who um, shall remain nameless, asked if I was getting enough to eat and if I was dieting. Since I will go for sarcasm when need be I explained to her that the Slim Fast shakes were really convenient to bring to work. A coworker came up to me this morning and asked, "How are you feeling? Are you eating enough?" Flat out. Just like that. I smiled and politely said, "Yes." She said, "Are you sure?" I said yes again and turned my head back to my computer, signaling that this was a dead topic. Unreal. And then, on the complete flipside of this issue.....one of the rollergirls called me fat last week. That was rad. I may not be gaining much for a pregnant lady, but I'm still an insecure girl with body image issues gaining weight feeling like I'm as big of a house. When she said those words I could immediately taste the 1.5 mozzerella sticks I had eaten 5 hours earlier and lost my taste for anything but water for the rest of the night (it was at Summerfest).

I suppose by now I sound completely neurotic. But it's just a little sampling of how complex these body image issues can be, especially going through pregnancy. If I eat too much, people will talk about how fat I am and I can't handle that. If I eat too little, people will talk about how I shouldn't be dieting while pregnant inferring that I'm irresponsible which I can't handle. At the end of the day, I know that I feel good and my midwife is pleased with my progress with everything so far and that's all that should matter.

The real kicker is that I'm gonna be raising a daughter. Yikes. My hopes is that no matter what body type she has, she has the tools to deal with all of this better than her mother. But I know no matter how healthy we raise her with realistic expectations of her body and what it means to be a female, it's the images and pressure of the outside world that can really make or break self-esteem. And that really sucks.

ma-wige, that bwessed owcassion that bwings us hewe today.....

We got married. Tee hee.

I'll post pictures from the courthouse on here soon.

Ringy Dingy

Well, dear reader(s), Nic and I bought our wedding rings last night. Yup, he and I treked to Southridge Mall to purchase our wedding rings. (Never in a million years would I have thought I'd have typed that sentence).

Anyway, we started at Roger's and Hollands or whatever. We walk in. Nic explains that we are looking for plain wedding bands--white gold or the like. Saleslady points out end of display case. Saleslady seems apprehensive and doesn't really know what to say to us. Felt a bit like a bad first date. I explain, "You know, I really don't want anything with diamonds. Just a plain band." This seems to make saleslady even more uneasy. I'm guessing Southridge Mall doesn't see a lot of the non-diamond types. Also, when we explained that we were getting married on Friday and she noticed my protruding stomach, she started to squirm. But then, she got ahold of herself. And started to explain that I should perhaps consider a diamond ring with smaller diamonds on it, then. Since we had just explained that we're doing a bigger ceremony in a few years, Saleslady went on to tell me that I could just add bigger diamonds to the ring as time went on. Also, that some of the rings with diamonds were cheaper than the plain white gold bands. Then she reassured me by guaranteeing that the diamonds would go up in value 5% every year, so that will come in handy when I'm ready to trade up.

So, pregnant and crabby and already having an over the top day with my emotions, I say to her, "No, actually, I don't want diamonds. I just want a plain band." I might have mentioned something about a social conciousness, but at that point I was either about to cry or start screaming obscenities at her, so I don't remember. We kind of discussed a few of the men's bands. She pointed out a brand that she liked a lot, and that her husband has gone through 4 wedding bands so far so she likes this ArtCarved brand or whatever because they're guaranteed...blah blah blah. Granted, he's married to a lady in a jewelry store, but 4 wedding bands? I secretly hoped it was because he kept taking it off on business trips and losing it in the bathrooms of the strip clubs I was assuming he would visit. Or leaving them at his various girlfriends' houses. But that's neither here nor there.

We went across the way to another store. Fred-something-or-Other's. Very nice Saleslady greeted us and took us right to the plain bands when we asked to see them. They had a bigger selection and she didn't start pointing out all the bands with diamonds when I explained what I wanted. She was nice. She told us her name was Karen. After checking out Boston Store next and coming up with nothing, we decided to go back to Karen to get matching palladium bands. It's a silvery metal and I guess it's more durable than white gold or something. I don't know. But I think The Palladium was the club where MTV had their dance show in 1988....hosted by Downtown Julie Brown. So I'll probably think of that whenever I look at my ring. And my husband's undying love...there's that too. Anyway, they are nice but very simple. Exactly what we were looking for. We explained to Karen how snooty-snooty-McBooty across the way blew our sale when she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that we wanted plain non-diamond bands. She just smiled and said, "I'll make sure you're taken care of when you come back to us." And we will.

One quick rant before I go....all of these pregnancy books/articles I read talk about the joyous second trimester. Apparently, I'm supposed to feel energized and refreshed and excited right now. And I'm supposed to enjoy that because things are supposed to get bad towards the end in the 3rd trimester. This is all a pile of horse hooey. Though I've started to become more active again, I'm still either always tired, or having trouble sleeping. I'm so moody I drive myself crazy. If I'm not crying or yelling I can promise you that at any given moment I would rather be doing either one. I was overcome yesterday by uncontrollable crying about both everything and nothing all at the same time. Being pregnant feels like being 13 again. And I hated being 13. Either I'm being gypped out of the magic of pregnancy, or those books lie. So far pregnancy has felt like a combination of neverending PMS, neverending hangover, moderate depression, and adolescent insecurity. I've actually been told that I'm not glowing. Maybe those pregnancy books all have major typos. I think, instead of "People will tell you you're glowing" it should be "People will tell you you're glowering." That seems about the speed of it.

Ok. No, seriously, I'll post pictures on here soon. For you, my devoted reader(s).

Catch-up

Wow. It's been over a month since I've posted here. I don't even know who's reading this of late, but I suppose I should get posting. Since we've found out it's a girl, the only big update is progress on our 2nd floor. If I had access to pictures now, I'd post some. But they're all on Nic's computer, so I'll have to do that maybe later this weekend. As of today, we have: drywall up and almost all mudded; a GORGEOUS tiled bathroom floor; new windows; bathroom fixtures (but not installed); and solid plans for the weekend for Nic's cousin Luke to come over and start the floors. Hopefully, by one week from today/the start of Memorial Day weekend we'll have finished floors, all floorboards and molding installed, custom bathroom vanity built and bathroom fixturs (both plumbing and light) installed. And then we'll have a bedroom we can walk through. I still can't even comprehend how great it will be to have that done.

Also some news of note, as of next week Friday, Nic and I will be married. We applied for our marriage license yesterday. Did you know that 1st cousins can marry in Wisconsin, providing they have proof of sterilization? True story. Anyway, one week from today, we'll be saying our "I do's" at the Milwaukee County Courthouse in front of my parents and brother and his mom and grandmother. Beforehand, we're going out to lunch at the Safe House. I really wanted to wait and not have 2 seperate weddings, but Nic needs health insurance and I have it. So we'll take care of this part of getting married now, and in about 2 years we'll invite all our friends and family together to get drunk off of Miller Lite and dance to Kool & The Gang's "Celebration." Details on that to begin after the baby is born.

Oh! And we started childbirth classes last week. We've gone the Bradley Method route with a fantasitc teacher. And the classes meet at my family's old church in Shorewood. Bradley Method classes focus on relaxation, proper nutrition, and exercise during pregnancy to minimize the need for too much medical intervention during birth, while also recognizing that sometimes medical intervention is necessary. I like it because it's not too granola-dippy-earth-mother-like. I want to try to have the baby without drugs, but if I need 'em, I need 'em. And that's just fine. Also, Bradley Method focuses on coach/father/partner involvement. So Nic is learning a lot about what he has to help me with along the way. We've had two classes so far and really like them.

I predict about 2 more weeks of active posting before I get bored with this blogging thing/forget for a month again. So, check back!

it's a......

girl. we just found out yesterday. and nic was overly confident that it was going to be a boy. so we made a wager. since i won, we have to go to the build-a-bear workshop and i get to create a little friend and nic has to pay for it. also, i get weekend breakfast in bed for a month. had it been a boy, i'd have to pay for the build-a-bear creation and i'd have to go see 'grindhouse' with nic. i'm going to do my best to create a roller derby teddy bear. i know nic would have done a brewers teddy bear.

anyway, stay tuned for pictures. sorry i've been slack in posting here. i'll try to get a couple more in this week.

Usually, I'm not quite this sappy. However, I am going to marry the most amazing person on the planet.

So I've been having near-weekly breakdowns. Mostly stress-induced as you've likely been gathering from previous posts. Coordinating financial deadlines and scheduling this and that and do I need a diaper champ or a diaper genie? Not to mention I was starting to feel a little isolated from the world. Now, I gotta say, I have so many friends who have adjusted their social activities to hang out with me. But there are a number of people I just don't see anymore because I'm not a regular nightlife fixture anymore. And that was starting to bum me out. Not just not going out to the bars, but feeling like I went from having a very active social life to not seeing anyone but Nic, my roomate, and the cats.

So he orchestrated this big night out on a random Wednesday. We did sushi with another couple that Nic is good friends with--and she is pregnant too! Then we all went over to the Landmark for n/a drinks where, one by one, my friends and Nic's friends were just happening to show up. As each one got there and made it over to the table I exclaimed how funny it was to see them and what a coincidence it was to see them there. I didn't get until my derby team had showed up and a bunch of Nic's friends showed up that it was all a rouse! A very well planned and thoughtful rouse. Nic wanted to plan a night for just for me so he had derby and non-derby friends show up. Some with gifts--books from Wendy and those Greek pistashios(!) and a cute onesie from Jenerous Beatings. It was all so kind and thoughtful and I definately don't feel left out of the world now. We had a great time.

Words can't express how thankful I am to everyone who came to the party. And to Nic for organizing it. It was a small gesture that had a huge effect. I still may worry about money here and there, but as long as I have that Mexi-talian by my side, everything will be ok.

stress and sickness

Nic is having a really rough pregnancy. He's weathered through a severe bladder infection, recovered from a septioplasty and a tonsillectomy, and now is green in the face from food poisoning. Good thing I've been feeling relatively ok lately...other than the insomnia and the sheer feeling of being overwhelmed by planning for all the physical and financial stress I'm going through. And the logistics. Don't forget about the logistics. Logistics of what, you ask? Of everything.

One thing that is coming together well due to my planning and obsession is house renovations. Bruce started on my second floor attic space/bedroom renovations. He's affordable, dependable, super nice, and reminds me of Pat McCurdy in some way that I can't put my finger on. He was just there for a few hours yesterday and the space is already starting to take shape. When it is full of furniture, it won't be a very big space. But it will be bigger than what we have now. And we'll have a closet. And a bathroom. With a little make up table for me. This project will be one huge stress off my head. There is a whole mini project within that one that involves getting a new bed and mattress and perhaps new bedroom furniture for us. Next is the planning and the financing of the baby's room, but that won't be too bad. I have to figure out what's happening to the floors in the baby's room, but the rest should be cheap and easy. Next step after that: refinance house. All of this while working 40 hours a week, trying to keep up with basic chores and house maintenance, keeping up with even minimal derby time commitments, finding time to exercise. Sigh. So those are the logistics and financial thoughts that keep me up at night.

Bah. This blogging is supposed to be kind of therapeutic for me, and now I feel worse than when I started. I need to close with something that makes me happy:

I'm excited about choosing paint colors for our new bedroom. I love doing that. Also, I really enjoy buying new fun bathroom items (rugs, toothbrush holder, soap dish). And I get excited about choosing light fixtures. I've never had to or gotten to choose light fixtures before. So that's pretty fun.

Okay. Feeling a little better.

Website of the day and maternity clothes shopping

Awesome website of the day: http://searchwithkevin.prodege.com/

What is it? It's a Kevin Federline internet search engine that lets you simultaneously search the interweb while entering to win prizes....like going to Kevin Federline's birthday party. If you don't know that this is amazing, you're glad I told you. For those of you who don't understand my whimsy and irony, perhaps you could know that this is a different kind of awesome than the Hacked Ikea site I mentioned in the last few posts. But if I have to explain anymore, this website is going to lose it's magic. Do yourself a favor and use it today. Happy Monday.

Well, I've successfully completed a maternity clothing shopping spree with my mother and I didn't cry once. This is not to say that shopping with my mother is unpleasant. On the contrary. It is extremely pleasant. Buying fat pants and shirts is unpleasant. And I don't care how many of you counter my fat talk with protests of "You're not fat, you're pregnant!" When you navigate gingerly through life dancing on the line between sanity and complete body-image induced depression and anxiety, the notion of gaining a certain 20-30 lbs is frightening. For this reason, I have not been posting pictures of any sort of belly progression. Not that there has been much of a belly progression, but the idea of photographing my bare and growing abdomen and either posting said photos here or emailing them out to select friends and family is an idea I find absurd, offensive, scary, and unnecessary. If you see me in person between now and September 6-ish, you'll see how pregnant I am. However, I would be more than happy to send anyone pictures of my belly if they then agree to take weekly pictures of a selected area of their body that they feel most self conscious about. If you are my doctor or fiancee, you will see my belly first hand quite a bit. Perhaps I'll feel more loose-lipped and comfortable with these body image issues as I progress. But don't hold your breath.

I will tell you that panel pants, though earlier feared, are now my most favorite things ever. It's like wearing dressy pajamas to work. I will also tell you that few stores out there have decent maternity sections. Kohl's and Target were a bust. 3 racks of clothes each. Target has a lengthy selection online, but not much in the stores. If I had an entrepreneurial spirit, I'd open up a shop for fashionable maternity clothes for the upscale and hipster parents in Milwaukee. But I just don't care quite that much.

I'd like you to know how awesome Paul is

I know this guy. Let's call him "Paul." Because that is what his name is.

I mentioned in a posting on Myspace about how I am totally craving an ice cream flavor that likely doesn't exist. I dreamt about the combination of Lemon Cheesecake ice cream with swirls of strawberry and grahm cracker bits. He has an ice cream maker and volunteered to give this flavor a go. I'm stopping by his apartment after work to pick up a batch. And you all should know that this is awesome.

He wrote a book. It's called "Last Call." He just read an excerpt from it at the Bay View Schwartz's last Sunday. I think you should go out and buy it. Because he made me ice cream. He used to be in First Stage with me. He also likes Van Halen a lot. Buy his book. Thank you.

New awesome website

As a public service, to you, the public, I will share with you my favorite websites of the moment/day/week/etc. Enjoy!

Today's website is
http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com

Photos and how-to advice from people who've purchased Ikea furniture and have modified it to fit their aesthetic and/or space needs. I know it's going to be all I can do to not spend all weekend on Ikea's website planning all the furniture I want to get on my next trip to Shaumburg and how I want to saw it in half/decoupage/paint/remove shelves/add doors/generally deconstruct and reconstruct it.

Have fun!

I broke up with my (American Idol) Boyfriend

I would just like to start out by saying I think Brandon was robbed. There is this crazy internet movement to keep Sanjaya because he's so terrible. Unless you watch American Idol, you have no idea what I'm talking about. Just know that because my American Idol boyfriend was the first of the top 12 to get cut, I've had to break up with him.

But I'm not going to go on about that. This posting is acutally about the fact that I will need bigger clothes. I don't have a belly yet, but I tried to wear an article of clothing that used to fit fine and is now skin tight. I have a few lines out on maternity clothes, and my mom is taking me shopping this weekend. I want to be pre-emptive so I'm not completely stuck when by belly decides to pop out sometime in the next month or so.

I've also decided that I'm going to take the maximum 3 months maternity leave. This will be a bit of a financial challenge, but I do have most of the year to set aside money for the 3 payperiods I won't receive a paycheck. Every day at work I obsessively multiply what I receive each pay period for sick and vacation time times number of pay periods before I go on leave. This whole having a baby thing gives me lots to research and plan. And I love researching and planning things. It makes me feel like I have some sort of control over this thing I have no control over.

In other news, Nic's surgery went great. He did better than I did in recovery, actually. While we were sitting there in his day surgery hospital room, I was looking at the bloody gauze under his nose and suddenly felt faint. My vision was blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had one doctor and two nurses scrambling to get me a chair to recline in, ice water, and a cold washcloth. I told Nic he was totally allowed to get all woozy and pass out when I go into labor. Not that he would need my permission to faint or anything, but if I can't handle a touch of dried blood on a piece of gauze, I can't be mad if he gets all sickey during labor. Anyway, he's recovering. Still on soft foods and is in a lot of pain when his Percoset wears off, but doing well.

I think that's it. I'm going out on Friday night with a bunch of girls from my derby team for pizza and dancing and knocking back n/a beer. Well, I'll be doing that last one. And probably just one or two. They give me gas. I miss being around them and can't wait.

That's it for today, folks.

Conflict Resolution

I would like to NOT gain 60 pounds during the course of my pregnancy, but I would indeed like to eat this whole box of Girl Scout Caramel DeLites sitting on my desk.

Please Advise.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

It's been awhile since I've posted. I'm really trying to keep this updated since a number of people have told me that they enjoy reading this. Thank you! I enjoy writing this! This post will be all over the place, since that's where my thoughts are now. Enjoy.

Topic one: WEATHER
Yesterday was sunny and mild for early March in Wisconsin. I'm always amazed how different I feel when the clouds in my brain start to clear. I know that the weather affects me and I don't realize how bad I am feeling until that one nice day hits and I feel normal again. My winter blahs build up slowly over a long stretch of time, and I don't realize that I don't feel like myself anymore until the sun is shining down and I can be outside without a hat and mittens. Yesterday I was energetic, focused at work, laughing at people's jokes, not snapping at people as much....I felt like myself. Nic definitely noticed too. He said that he fell in love with the person I was yesterday, but that he loves the winter me unconditionally. Good answer. Because short of us moving down south, he's got the rest of our lives of January through March to live with and unconditionally love tired, lethargic, and slightly depressed Winter Beth. Bah. Anyway, the weather is cold again today and it's currently grey and snowy outside, but I think my high from yesterday was effective enough to get me through the next few days. Besides, I saw that it's going to be near 50 degrees as a high next Monday! Oh boy oh boy!

Topic two: Other people are coming out of the closet, too:
I know know 3 people who are pregnant too. I am cautious to name names, as I'm not sure if one of them has told people and I know for a fact one of them has not told people yet. 2 of the three are first time mommies, too. My friends with kids have all been really helpful so far (I'm looking at you, Jen, Maren, and Wendy), but it's even more exciting to be going through this with someone who is experiencing it at the same time. Y'all will hear more about this as time goes on.

Topic three: Babble.com
I just really like this website. The Strollerderby Blog, though not an account of pregnant ladies on skates (which was kind of disappointing), is a great feature updated a bunch daily on various issues and news items related to parenting and pregnancy. Which is great for those of us who are internet-addicted. Also, the Baby Daddy blog is one of my favorites. I don't know how interesting this site would have been to me pre-pregnancy, but I highly recommend it now.

Topic four: Nic's Surgery
Nic is going in for surgery this Friday for his deviated septum and a tonsillectomy. He has a real mild sleep apnea, and his doctors are pretty confidant that these procedures will give him healthier and more restful sleep. He's thrilled to be able to sleep on his back and the prospect of being able to breathe through both nostrils. I'm thrilled to not hear his snoring, to know he'll get better sleep, and to not have to listen to him gasp for air in the night. Because that is scary. Anyway, I'm taking the day off of work to take him in and pick him up afterwards. While he's in surgery I plan on getting my hair did, and maybe grab some herbal tea and a muffin somewhere. Because I'm really into tea and muffins of late. I'll keep you posted as this develops more. In the mean time, send Nic good thoughts and bring him some soup or ice cream next week if you know where his mom's house is on the east side.

snack time

I found a new treat for myself today. I was at Beans and Barley doing my now typical mid-day lunch indecision dance. However, it's not always at Beans and Barley. Sometimes it's really just me driving around the east side until I can discern whether I am destined to another day of Qdoba, or something less heavy. But I digress.

I saw that they carry this brand of Greek yogurt I remember eating when I was in Greece. I had to have it as a late day snack. I just finished it and it's as good as I remember. Never had Greek yogurt? Well, let me tell you that you are not a real yogurt eater until you've had this stuff. Your fruit-added, overly sweet, low-fat, fruit on the bottom, Splenda-laced diet food mumbo jumbo that we all prefer to buy at the grocery store is nothing on a containter of sturdy Greek yogurt. First of all, it's thick. I can't even think of an adequate comparison. Thicker than any yogurt I can think of, thicker than custard....it's in a class by itself. And it is sour. Terribly sour. And there is TWELVE GRAMS OF FAT IN A SMALL CONTAINER. You heard me. This is not for the faint of heart. But the kind I bought today had a little side compartment of honey to drizzle over.

Greek honey tastes different than any honey I've had here. Not better. Not worse. Just different. The bees are different, you know. And I'm an expert. Not solely because I spent a month in Greece, but because my time spent there was primarily spent getting day drunk on cheap white wine and napping on the beach watching the bees. It was a stressful existance, I know. Nonetheless, I watched a lot of bees and ate a lot of yogurt and honey. And pistachios, but that's perhaps another blog.

I know I'm supposed to be upping my calcium and protein in these crucial months. And I'm going to be gaining lots of weight anyway. So I don't give a hoot about eating 5 ounces of something that should really provide nearly half my daily fat allowance.

Now if I can only find Greek pistachios, I would be in heaven.

Baby pictures

So here they are. Your first glimpse at the little thing. It's small and it has a face and it waves it's hands in the air. Likely, as if it just didn't care.

It's weird that there is this little thing there in it's own world and I can't feel it.

I will also tell you that the nurse had a helluva time trying to get little one in a position to be able to get a measurement of it's neck skin thickness. No matter how much she tried to jostle it, it wouldn't budge. My first impression of this thing: stubborn. Very stubborn. That made me very happy.

I guess I don't have too much more to tell you all today. I've started making big announcements via email and Myspace. I've still not told everyone at work yet. I don't think I'm going to do a big announcement here. Just let people find out as I get fat, or something. I don't think I could stand a big office full of people getting all screechy and making dumb noises at me.

Well, enjoy the rest of your day! I'm itchy to get outside to enjoy the near 50 degree temps before yoga.

Engaged...all the details you wanted to know

So we went to Chicago this weekend on a vacation/birthday/valentines day. It was a fantastic trip. We had good food, got to visit with some friends, had a great trip to the Science and Industry museum and the requisite trip to Ikea.

And I got engaged.

It happened at the Science Museum. We were walking through a maze of mirrors in one of the exhibits when Nic got this look in his eye, grabbed my hand, and pointed out the images of both of us going on forever in the mirror in front and behind us. He says incredibly sweet things all the time, so I didn't think he was actually proposing. He then said, "I want you to be my wife." I said "Is this my proposal?" He took a ring out of his pocket and put it on my finger. I smiled and said "Yes." We kissed. Then we heard people coming through the maze, so we kept going. And giggled and smiled our way through the museum for the rest of the day. Even though we had thoroughly discussed getting married, I had told him that nothing was a go until I had a proper proposal and he received an official answer. So now it's all official.

The ring is a big purple amethyst affair. It's my birthstone, and it's a very fun piece of jewelry that Nic picked out himself. I have been pretty clear from the beginning that I did not want a diamond engagement ring. And I don't envision wanting diamonds on my wedding ring.

Gasp! No diamonds? Why not? That's crazy. You're just being contrary, etc......

Okay. I'll lay it all out here. The reasons why I'm not too keen on diamonds for me. Did you hear that? I'm not keen on diamonds FOR ME. My choice to not have diamond jewelry by no means transfers over to you or your choices, gentle reader. You like diamonds? Great. Get 'em. Get as many as you can get your hands on. Got a big one? Then I'm happy for you. But my choice is to avoid them. And to not get preachy about it. So here goes.

1. International Human Rights
Okay. Plainly put, mining and trading diamonds fuels the actions of guerrilla warfare in Angola, the Democratic Republic of Congo, and Sierra Leone. Money from the trade of diamonds fuels violent and bloody internal warfare in these countries. There has been a lot of progress in socially responsible diamond mining and trading. You can indeed purchase a "Conflict Free" diamond. There are also huge diamond reserves in Australia, Canada, and Russia. However, there is actually no guarantee that the diamond you're purchasing did not support abhorrent acts against humanity. For this reason, I choose not to have a diamond.

2. A Diamond is Forever?
In 1948, the N.W. Ayer advertising agency came up with the phrase "A Diamond is Forever." At this point, the De Beers company controlled most of the world's diamond trade. Harry Oppenheimer, CEO of De Beers, wanted everyone in America to connect the idea of romance with diamonds so he used that great marketing phrase that is still used today. Pretty brilliant, I'd say. People like diamonds for wedding jewelry because a "Diamond is Forever." Not bad. However, the symbol of the everlasting diamond becomes less desirable for me knowing that it was all due to a (very successful) advertising agency. For this reason also, I choose not to have a diamond.

3. A diamond is expensive because they are so rare.
Yeah. No, no they're not. They are expensive to mine, true. However, the inflated prices of diamonds do not match their supply. There are other gemstones that are truly much more rare. For this reason also, I choose not to have a diamond.

So there you have it. In a nutshell. The very basic, boiled down reasons I don't want a diamond. If you want more information on any of this (or proof because you think I'm a whiney liberal wackjob) you don't have to look too far for information. Amnesty International's website is a great place to start.

Again, this is how I feel about the piece of jewelry that will be symbolic of my relationship to my future husband. I certainly understand the appeal of diamonds. They're sparkly. I also appreciate the want to do something just because it's what everyone else does. I'm not immune to that. But my choice is a wedding and engagement ring that has meaning to me and Nic and it doesn't matter one shake to me if it has meaning to you.

Does this mean I'm always going to feel this way? No. Maybe as I grow older, or politics change, I'll change my mind. Until then, it's a big ol' amethyst engagement ring on my finger! And I love it.

Vacation!

It's Friday morning and we're leaving for vacation tonight! I wish that we had the money or the time to get down to New Orleans and Florida like we had planned. Some sunshine would be very theraputic and I miss my old city and my good friend Cherie so much. But not knowing how I was going to feel during this time, combined with no vacation time and money being tight and we decided to stay close to home. We got a good deal on a hotel just off of Michigan avenue and we're going to have a quick weekend away.

Tomorrow we'll be at the Science and Industry museum. I've never been there and I'm really excited to go. Body Worlds 2 is the big exibit there now and I've always wanted to see it. http://www.bodyworlds.com/index.html We also have tickets to see a film at the museum's omnimax theater on Hurricane Katrina. It won't get me as close to the city as I wanted to get, but it's something. Throw in a couple of dinners and a Sunday trip to Ikea and we've got the makings for a fun weekend.

I finally got a digital camera last weekend, so hopefully I'll start posting pictures on this site. Of vacation, pictures of house projects, and if you're lucky....my (soon to be) fat stomach. But seriously, don't hold your breath on that last one.

I'm so bad at remembering to do this

So I set up this site so I could document my experiences and feelings and I just don't remember to get on here. I'll try and make a better effort, but that's what I say every year when I log in to my useless Livejournal account. Bah.

Anyway, to recap from the last posting...all of the family and friends know now. I'm a little less freaked out. My eating and sleeping habits got real weird after that last posting but have evened out. And I think now that I'm entering my second trimester, I'm finally over every single person telling me "Oh, you should start taking folic acid." I think I heard that from 15 different people, who all had their hearts in the right place. However, you can only hear something so much before you want to say very sarcastically "Gee! Thank you! I wish I had known that! Boy, my doctor sure doesn't know squat! She didn't tell me that at all!"

My birthday has come and passed, and I received minimal baby items. I was worried that my birthday would be the first step in people forgetting about me as an individual with wants, needs, and likes. And for baby items, I got some pretty useful stuff. Leslie got me a Classic Pooh baby blanket. Which is perfect as that is the theme chosen for the baby's room. Mom got me some maternity clothes. Two awesome tank tops, and this outfit that included a pair of, um, uh.....panel pants. UGH! I didn't even want to type it. That got me a little upset. Certainly not because of the thoughtful and practical gift...but when you're eye to eye with a pair of black and white checkered panel pants when you're still trying to ease your way into accepting and getting excited about said pregnancy...it just gets to be too much. The pants are a nice lightweight material. They'll be great for when I am big and it's summer and need work clothes. But it's winter. And I'm still the same size as I was. So they make me panic. There. It's out there now. Panel pants make me panic.

And then there's the weight thing. It is very endearing that all of my friends are so far excited for me to be showing. However, talk about making an already body-image sensitive girl uncomfortable. Now, all of a sudden, my weight and my body are a normal part of public discourse. "Are you gaining weight?" "Are your breasts sore?" "Do you have gas?" I mean, really now. Please tell me in what other social situation are these questions appropriate? And just because I'm now pregnant does not mean that I'm suddenly excited to explain to anyone in great detail how and where my body stores extra weight during the winter.

It is awfully theraputic to have somewhere to vent all of this. And truth be told, I'm not full of small annoyances like it sounds like. I'm really not as angry as I sound.

Nic has been fantastic. Buying me small cute gifts when I have bad days. Like the 3 boxes of mac and cheese he bought and wrapped up like a present, and the card with the dog in a sweater on the front. Priceless. All of that helps. A lot. And most of all, putting up with toxic mood swings. Anyone who can put up with me when I'm that crabby deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.

I could go on forever. But I'll shut up now so I can have fodder for future posts.

I have to remember that just because I'm pregnant, it's not carte blanche to eat whatever I want.

Case in point: My Noodles(tm) did not fill me up. I thought about getting an additional side salad, or a piece of bread to go with my overpriced noodles I could make at home with what's in the fridge, but I opted not to. Instead I decided that I needed something decadent, and ice cream would have to fit the bill if I couldn't have a glass of velvety zinfandel after work. If there was a spot in front of Cold Stone Creamery, it was to be a SIGN that I was to go in and sample their gooey wares.

Not only was there a spot, but there was time on the meter! Sign indeed!

The guy behind the counter walked me through the complicated process of choosing my ice cream and my mix-ins. After much deliberation, I went with my craving of chocolate ice cream with swirls of caramel. I told him I would play it easy and just feed my craving. At which point I almost said, "My craving. Because I'm pregnant. Food cravings. You know, pregnant-lady food cravings." And I didn't. Not so much because that sounds a little creepy and needy, but mostly because I thought my parents should probably know before the guy at Cold Stone Creamery. (They find out Saturday.)

Long and short of it, I regretted buying it almost immediately and decided I'd eat half and throw the rest away at work. Because, like I said earlier, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can eat all the crap I want.

But I ate the whole thing anyway. And I decided that next time I'll get a small dish of chocolate with DOUBLE the caramel swirls.