Usually, I'm not quite this sappy. However, I am going to marry the most amazing person on the planet.
So I've been having near-weekly breakdowns. Mostly stress-induced as you've likely been gathering from previous posts. Coordinating financial deadlines and scheduling this and that and do I need a diaper champ or a diaper genie? Not to mention I was starting to feel a little isolated from the world. Now, I gotta say, I have so many friends who have adjusted their social activities to hang out with me. But there are a number of people I just don't see anymore because I'm not a regular nightlife fixture anymore. And that was starting to bum me out. Not just not going out to the bars, but feeling like I went from having a very active social life to not seeing anyone but Nic, my roomate, and the cats.
So he orchestrated this big night out on a random Wednesday. We did sushi with another couple that Nic is good friends with--and she is pregnant too! Then we all went over to the Landmark for n/a drinks where, one by one, my friends and Nic's friends were just happening to show up. As each one got there and made it over to the table I exclaimed how funny it was to see them and what a coincidence it was to see them there. I didn't get until my derby team had showed up and a bunch of Nic's friends showed up that it was all a rouse! A very well planned and thoughtful rouse. Nic wanted to plan a night for just for me so he had derby and non-derby friends show up. Some with gifts--books from Wendy and those Greek pistashios(!) and a cute onesie from Jenerous Beatings. It was all so kind and thoughtful and I definately don't feel left out of the world now. We had a great time.
Words can't express how thankful I am to everyone who came to the party. And to Nic for organizing it. It was a small gesture that had a huge effect. I still may worry about money here and there, but as long as I have that Mexi-talian by my side, everything will be ok.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
stress and sickness
Nic is having a really rough pregnancy. He's weathered through a severe bladder infection, recovered from a septioplasty and a tonsillectomy, and now is green in the face from food poisoning. Good thing I've been feeling relatively ok lately...other than the insomnia and the sheer feeling of being overwhelmed by planning for all the physical and financial stress I'm going through. And the logistics. Don't forget about the logistics. Logistics of what, you ask? Of everything.
One thing that is coming together well due to my planning and obsession is house renovations. Bruce started on my second floor attic space/bedroom renovations. He's affordable, dependable, super nice, and reminds me of Pat McCurdy in some way that I can't put my finger on. He was just there for a few hours yesterday and the space is already starting to take shape. When it is full of furniture, it won't be a very big space. But it will be bigger than what we have now. And we'll have a closet. And a bathroom. With a little make up table for me. This project will be one huge stress off my head. There is a whole mini project within that one that involves getting a new bed and mattress and perhaps new bedroom furniture for us. Next is the planning and the financing of the baby's room, but that won't be too bad. I have to figure out what's happening to the floors in the baby's room, but the rest should be cheap and easy. Next step after that: refinance house. All of this while working 40 hours a week, trying to keep up with basic chores and house maintenance, keeping up with even minimal derby time commitments, finding time to exercise. Sigh. So those are the logistics and financial thoughts that keep me up at night.
Bah. This blogging is supposed to be kind of therapeutic for me, and now I feel worse than when I started. I need to close with something that makes me happy:
I'm excited about choosing paint colors for our new bedroom. I love doing that. Also, I really enjoy buying new fun bathroom items (rugs, toothbrush holder, soap dish). And I get excited about choosing light fixtures. I've never had to or gotten to choose light fixtures before. So that's pretty fun.
Okay. Feeling a little better.
One thing that is coming together well due to my planning and obsession is house renovations. Bruce started on my second floor attic space/bedroom renovations. He's affordable, dependable, super nice, and reminds me of Pat McCurdy in some way that I can't put my finger on. He was just there for a few hours yesterday and the space is already starting to take shape. When it is full of furniture, it won't be a very big space. But it will be bigger than what we have now. And we'll have a closet. And a bathroom. With a little make up table for me. This project will be one huge stress off my head. There is a whole mini project within that one that involves getting a new bed and mattress and perhaps new bedroom furniture for us. Next is the planning and the financing of the baby's room, but that won't be too bad. I have to figure out what's happening to the floors in the baby's room, but the rest should be cheap and easy. Next step after that: refinance house. All of this while working 40 hours a week, trying to keep up with basic chores and house maintenance, keeping up with even minimal derby time commitments, finding time to exercise. Sigh. So those are the logistics and financial thoughts that keep me up at night.
Bah. This blogging is supposed to be kind of therapeutic for me, and now I feel worse than when I started. I need to close with something that makes me happy:
I'm excited about choosing paint colors for our new bedroom. I love doing that. Also, I really enjoy buying new fun bathroom items (rugs, toothbrush holder, soap dish). And I get excited about choosing light fixtures. I've never had to or gotten to choose light fixtures before. So that's pretty fun.
Okay. Feeling a little better.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Website of the day and maternity clothes shopping
Awesome website of the day: http://searchwithkevin.prodege.com/
What is it? It's a Kevin Federline internet search engine that lets you simultaneously search the interweb while entering to win prizes....like going to Kevin Federline's birthday party. If you don't know that this is amazing, you're glad I told you. For those of you who don't understand my whimsy and irony, perhaps you could know that this is a different kind of awesome than the Hacked Ikea site I mentioned in the last few posts. But if I have to explain anymore, this website is going to lose it's magic. Do yourself a favor and use it today. Happy Monday.
Well, I've successfully completed a maternity clothing shopping spree with my mother and I didn't cry once. This is not to say that shopping with my mother is unpleasant. On the contrary. It is extremely pleasant. Buying fat pants and shirts is unpleasant. And I don't care how many of you counter my fat talk with protests of "You're not fat, you're pregnant!" When you navigate gingerly through life dancing on the line between sanity and complete body-image induced depression and anxiety, the notion of gaining a certain 20-30 lbs is frightening. For this reason, I have not been posting pictures of any sort of belly progression. Not that there has been much of a belly progression, but the idea of photographing my bare and growing abdomen and either posting said photos here or emailing them out to select friends and family is an idea I find absurd, offensive, scary, and unnecessary. If you see me in person between now and September 6-ish, you'll see how pregnant I am. However, I would be more than happy to send anyone pictures of my belly if they then agree to take weekly pictures of a selected area of their body that they feel most self conscious about. If you are my doctor or fiancee, you will see my belly first hand quite a bit. Perhaps I'll feel more loose-lipped and comfortable with these body image issues as I progress. But don't hold your breath.
I will tell you that panel pants, though earlier feared, are now my most favorite things ever. It's like wearing dressy pajamas to work. I will also tell you that few stores out there have decent maternity sections. Kohl's and Target were a bust. 3 racks of clothes each. Target has a lengthy selection online, but not much in the stores. If I had an entrepreneurial spirit, I'd open up a shop for fashionable maternity clothes for the upscale and hipster parents in Milwaukee. But I just don't care quite that much.
What is it? It's a Kevin Federline internet search engine that lets you simultaneously search the interweb while entering to win prizes....like going to Kevin Federline's birthday party. If you don't know that this is amazing, you're glad I told you. For those of you who don't understand my whimsy and irony, perhaps you could know that this is a different kind of awesome than the Hacked Ikea site I mentioned in the last few posts. But if I have to explain anymore, this website is going to lose it's magic. Do yourself a favor and use it today. Happy Monday.
Well, I've successfully completed a maternity clothing shopping spree with my mother and I didn't cry once. This is not to say that shopping with my mother is unpleasant. On the contrary. It is extremely pleasant. Buying fat pants and shirts is unpleasant. And I don't care how many of you counter my fat talk with protests of "You're not fat, you're pregnant!" When you navigate gingerly through life dancing on the line between sanity and complete body-image induced depression and anxiety, the notion of gaining a certain 20-30 lbs is frightening. For this reason, I have not been posting pictures of any sort of belly progression. Not that there has been much of a belly progression, but the idea of photographing my bare and growing abdomen and either posting said photos here or emailing them out to select friends and family is an idea I find absurd, offensive, scary, and unnecessary. If you see me in person between now and September 6-ish, you'll see how pregnant I am. However, I would be more than happy to send anyone pictures of my belly if they then agree to take weekly pictures of a selected area of their body that they feel most self conscious about. If you are my doctor or fiancee, you will see my belly first hand quite a bit. Perhaps I'll feel more loose-lipped and comfortable with these body image issues as I progress. But don't hold your breath.
I will tell you that panel pants, though earlier feared, are now my most favorite things ever. It's like wearing dressy pajamas to work. I will also tell you that few stores out there have decent maternity sections. Kohl's and Target were a bust. 3 racks of clothes each. Target has a lengthy selection online, but not much in the stores. If I had an entrepreneurial spirit, I'd open up a shop for fashionable maternity clothes for the upscale and hipster parents in Milwaukee. But I just don't care quite that much.
Friday, March 16, 2007
I'd like you to know how awesome Paul is
I know this guy. Let's call him "Paul." Because that is what his name is.
I mentioned in a posting on Myspace about how I am totally craving an ice cream flavor that likely doesn't exist. I dreamt about the combination of Lemon Cheesecake ice cream with swirls of strawberry and grahm cracker bits. He has an ice cream maker and volunteered to give this flavor a go. I'm stopping by his apartment after work to pick up a batch. And you all should know that this is awesome.
He wrote a book. It's called "Last Call." He just read an excerpt from it at the Bay View Schwartz's last Sunday. I think you should go out and buy it. Because he made me ice cream. He used to be in First Stage with me. He also likes Van Halen a lot. Buy his book. Thank you.
I mentioned in a posting on Myspace about how I am totally craving an ice cream flavor that likely doesn't exist. I dreamt about the combination of Lemon Cheesecake ice cream with swirls of strawberry and grahm cracker bits. He has an ice cream maker and volunteered to give this flavor a go. I'm stopping by his apartment after work to pick up a batch. And you all should know that this is awesome.
He wrote a book. It's called "Last Call." He just read an excerpt from it at the Bay View Schwartz's last Sunday. I think you should go out and buy it. Because he made me ice cream. He used to be in First Stage with me. He also likes Van Halen a lot. Buy his book. Thank you.
New awesome website
As a public service, to you, the public, I will share with you my favorite websites of the moment/day/week/etc. Enjoy!
Today's website is
http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com
Photos and how-to advice from people who've purchased Ikea furniture and have modified it to fit their aesthetic and/or space needs. I know it's going to be all I can do to not spend all weekend on Ikea's website planning all the furniture I want to get on my next trip to Shaumburg and how I want to saw it in half/decoupage/paint/remove shelves/add doors/generally deconstruct and reconstruct it.
Have fun!
Today's website is
http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com
Photos and how-to advice from people who've purchased Ikea furniture and have modified it to fit their aesthetic and/or space needs. I know it's going to be all I can do to not spend all weekend on Ikea's website planning all the furniture I want to get on my next trip to Shaumburg and how I want to saw it in half/decoupage/paint/remove shelves/add doors/generally deconstruct and reconstruct it.
Have fun!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I broke up with my (American Idol) Boyfriend
I would just like to start out by saying I think Brandon was robbed. There is this crazy internet movement to keep Sanjaya because he's so terrible. Unless you watch American Idol, you have no idea what I'm talking about. Just know that because my American Idol boyfriend was the first of the top 12 to get cut, I've had to break up with him.
But I'm not going to go on about that. This posting is acutally about the fact that I will need bigger clothes. I don't have a belly yet, but I tried to wear an article of clothing that used to fit fine and is now skin tight. I have a few lines out on maternity clothes, and my mom is taking me shopping this weekend. I want to be pre-emptive so I'm not completely stuck when by belly decides to pop out sometime in the next month or so.
I've also decided that I'm going to take the maximum 3 months maternity leave. This will be a bit of a financial challenge, but I do have most of the year to set aside money for the 3 payperiods I won't receive a paycheck. Every day at work I obsessively multiply what I receive each pay period for sick and vacation time times number of pay periods before I go on leave. This whole having a baby thing gives me lots to research and plan. And I love researching and planning things. It makes me feel like I have some sort of control over this thing I have no control over.
In other news, Nic's surgery went great. He did better than I did in recovery, actually. While we were sitting there in his day surgery hospital room, I was looking at the bloody gauze under his nose and suddenly felt faint. My vision was blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had one doctor and two nurses scrambling to get me a chair to recline in, ice water, and a cold washcloth. I told Nic he was totally allowed to get all woozy and pass out when I go into labor. Not that he would need my permission to faint or anything, but if I can't handle a touch of dried blood on a piece of gauze, I can't be mad if he gets all sickey during labor. Anyway, he's recovering. Still on soft foods and is in a lot of pain when his Percoset wears off, but doing well.
I think that's it. I'm going out on Friday night with a bunch of girls from my derby team for pizza and dancing and knocking back n/a beer. Well, I'll be doing that last one. And probably just one or two. They give me gas. I miss being around them and can't wait.
That's it for today, folks.
But I'm not going to go on about that. This posting is acutally about the fact that I will need bigger clothes. I don't have a belly yet, but I tried to wear an article of clothing that used to fit fine and is now skin tight. I have a few lines out on maternity clothes, and my mom is taking me shopping this weekend. I want to be pre-emptive so I'm not completely stuck when by belly decides to pop out sometime in the next month or so.
I've also decided that I'm going to take the maximum 3 months maternity leave. This will be a bit of a financial challenge, but I do have most of the year to set aside money for the 3 payperiods I won't receive a paycheck. Every day at work I obsessively multiply what I receive each pay period for sick and vacation time times number of pay periods before I go on leave. This whole having a baby thing gives me lots to research and plan. And I love researching and planning things. It makes me feel like I have some sort of control over this thing I have no control over.
In other news, Nic's surgery went great. He did better than I did in recovery, actually. While we were sitting there in his day surgery hospital room, I was looking at the bloody gauze under his nose and suddenly felt faint. My vision was blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had one doctor and two nurses scrambling to get me a chair to recline in, ice water, and a cold washcloth. I told Nic he was totally allowed to get all woozy and pass out when I go into labor. Not that he would need my permission to faint or anything, but if I can't handle a touch of dried blood on a piece of gauze, I can't be mad if he gets all sickey during labor. Anyway, he's recovering. Still on soft foods and is in a lot of pain when his Percoset wears off, but doing well.
I think that's it. I'm going out on Friday night with a bunch of girls from my derby team for pizza and dancing and knocking back n/a beer. Well, I'll be doing that last one. And probably just one or two. They give me gas. I miss being around them and can't wait.
That's it for today, folks.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Conflict Resolution
I would like to NOT gain 60 pounds during the course of my pregnancy, but I would indeed like to eat this whole box of Girl Scout Caramel DeLites sitting on my desk.
Please Advise.
Please Advise.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
A little bit of this, a little bit of that
It's been awhile since I've posted. I'm really trying to keep this updated since a number of people have told me that they enjoy reading this. Thank you! I enjoy writing this! This post will be all over the place, since that's where my thoughts are now. Enjoy.
Topic one: WEATHER
Yesterday was sunny and mild for early March in Wisconsin. I'm always amazed how different I feel when the clouds in my brain start to clear. I know that the weather affects me and I don't realize how bad I am feeling until that one nice day hits and I feel normal again. My winter blahs build up slowly over a long stretch of time, and I don't realize that I don't feel like myself anymore until the sun is shining down and I can be outside without a hat and mittens. Yesterday I was energetic, focused at work, laughing at people's jokes, not snapping at people as much....I felt like myself. Nic definitely noticed too. He said that he fell in love with the person I was yesterday, but that he loves the winter me unconditionally. Good answer. Because short of us moving down south, he's got the rest of our lives of January through March to live with and unconditionally love tired, lethargic, and slightly depressed Winter Beth. Bah. Anyway, the weather is cold again today and it's currently grey and snowy outside, but I think my high from yesterday was effective enough to get me through the next few days. Besides, I saw that it's going to be near 50 degrees as a high next Monday! Oh boy oh boy!
Topic two: Other people are coming out of the closet, too:
I know know 3 people who are pregnant too. I am cautious to name names, as I'm not sure if one of them has told people and I know for a fact one of them has not told people yet. 2 of the three are first time mommies, too. My friends with kids have all been really helpful so far (I'm looking at you, Jen, Maren, and Wendy), but it's even more exciting to be going through this with someone who is experiencing it at the same time. Y'all will hear more about this as time goes on.
Topic three: Babble.com
I just really like this website. The Strollerderby Blog, though not an account of pregnant ladies on skates (which was kind of disappointing), is a great feature updated a bunch daily on various issues and news items related to parenting and pregnancy. Which is great for those of us who are internet-addicted. Also, the Baby Daddy blog is one of my favorites. I don't know how interesting this site would have been to me pre-pregnancy, but I highly recommend it now.
Topic four: Nic's Surgery
Nic is going in for surgery this Friday for his deviated septum and a tonsillectomy. He has a real mild sleep apnea, and his doctors are pretty confidant that these procedures will give him healthier and more restful sleep. He's thrilled to be able to sleep on his back and the prospect of being able to breathe through both nostrils. I'm thrilled to not hear his snoring, to know he'll get better sleep, and to not have to listen to him gasp for air in the night. Because that is scary. Anyway, I'm taking the day off of work to take him in and pick him up afterwards. While he's in surgery I plan on getting my hair did, and maybe grab some herbal tea and a muffin somewhere. Because I'm really into tea and muffins of late. I'll keep you posted as this develops more. In the mean time, send Nic good thoughts and bring him some soup or ice cream next week if you know where his mom's house is on the east side.
Topic one: WEATHER
Yesterday was sunny and mild for early March in Wisconsin. I'm always amazed how different I feel when the clouds in my brain start to clear. I know that the weather affects me and I don't realize how bad I am feeling until that one nice day hits and I feel normal again. My winter blahs build up slowly over a long stretch of time, and I don't realize that I don't feel like myself anymore until the sun is shining down and I can be outside without a hat and mittens. Yesterday I was energetic, focused at work, laughing at people's jokes, not snapping at people as much....I felt like myself. Nic definitely noticed too. He said that he fell in love with the person I was yesterday, but that he loves the winter me unconditionally. Good answer. Because short of us moving down south, he's got the rest of our lives of January through March to live with and unconditionally love tired, lethargic, and slightly depressed Winter Beth. Bah. Anyway, the weather is cold again today and it's currently grey and snowy outside, but I think my high from yesterday was effective enough to get me through the next few days. Besides, I saw that it's going to be near 50 degrees as a high next Monday! Oh boy oh boy!
Topic two: Other people are coming out of the closet, too:
I know know 3 people who are pregnant too. I am cautious to name names, as I'm not sure if one of them has told people and I know for a fact one of them has not told people yet. 2 of the three are first time mommies, too. My friends with kids have all been really helpful so far (I'm looking at you, Jen, Maren, and Wendy), but it's even more exciting to be going through this with someone who is experiencing it at the same time. Y'all will hear more about this as time goes on.
Topic three: Babble.com
I just really like this website. The Strollerderby Blog, though not an account of pregnant ladies on skates (which was kind of disappointing), is a great feature updated a bunch daily on various issues and news items related to parenting and pregnancy. Which is great for those of us who are internet-addicted. Also, the Baby Daddy blog is one of my favorites. I don't know how interesting this site would have been to me pre-pregnancy, but I highly recommend it now.
Topic four: Nic's Surgery
Nic is going in for surgery this Friday for his deviated septum and a tonsillectomy. He has a real mild sleep apnea, and his doctors are pretty confidant that these procedures will give him healthier and more restful sleep. He's thrilled to be able to sleep on his back and the prospect of being able to breathe through both nostrils. I'm thrilled to not hear his snoring, to know he'll get better sleep, and to not have to listen to him gasp for air in the night. Because that is scary. Anyway, I'm taking the day off of work to take him in and pick him up afterwards. While he's in surgery I plan on getting my hair did, and maybe grab some herbal tea and a muffin somewhere. Because I'm really into tea and muffins of late. I'll keep you posted as this develops more. In the mean time, send Nic good thoughts and bring him some soup or ice cream next week if you know where his mom's house is on the east side.
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